Random Thoughts on the Gospel

It seems I have been drawing a blank in recent weeks when I sit to blog or write anything of any significance...or maybe I should say eternal significance. Tarheel and Cowboys victories are kind of significant in a temporal sense but really do not mean a lot in light of eternity (okay maybe it is a stretch to use the word significant when talking about sports). I don't know why I have been coming up dry lately but it seems to be one of those seasons in my life for now. I do have some random thoughts on the gospel that might evolve into longer posts eventually. Here are a few of them.

Why is it that the longer I am on the Christian journey the more I feel like I need the gospel? I think new Christians have the misconception at times that those of us who have been on the journey for most of our lives have it easier in our walks than those who are just starting out. For me, the opposite seems to be true. It is almost like the longer I follow Christ the more I see my own inadequacies and shortcomings and the more I tend to recognize my need for the gospel. I became a Christian at a young age. Because of that, I did not grasp the depth of my own depravity for many years. Yet the longer I follow Christ, the more I seem to recognize my sinful tendencies and how fully I need the gospel to continue to shape, refine, and purify me.

Let's be frank for a moment. We are sinful people. I am a sinful person. It seems like my heart is often drawn toward sin. My mind is lured by temptation. It seems that a lot of my Christian walk is spent in Romans 7 world. The Christian life is no cake walk. Here's reality: most of my battles tend to be internal at this point in my journey (pride, jealousy, anger, etc.) but I am not sure that should be considered a "step forward." Internal struggles are ... well ... internal. They are invisible to others (except on those occasions when the internal becomes external). Internal struggles are easy to hide. It is easy to put on the game face and let everyone believe that everything in my life is in stride spiritually. Enter the gospel.

The gospel of Jesus Christ penetrates. It breaks into my internal strongholds. The longer I follow Christ the more I understand how it is only through what Jesus did on the cross that my mind, heart, and soul are brought under submission to His forgiveness and ownership. While I am not sure any of us can fully grasp the extent of what happened when Jesus died, what I do know is that He became sin for me. He became my sin. He endured the consequences of my sinful actions, thoughts, and tendencies. His sacrifice was more than enough to cover every level of my depravity.

The penalty of my sin has been paid - my pride? Forgiven. My jealousy? Forgiven. My lust? Forgiven. My anger? Forgiven. My greed? Forgiven. My sinful actions? Forgiven. My sinful thoughts? Forgiven. My disobedience? Forgiven. My sin? Paul triumphs He became my sin so that "in him I might become the righteousness of God" (2 Cor 5.21).

Don't get me wrong. I am still a sinful person and when I choose to sin, I am displeasing God and must seek forgiveness through repentance (1 Jn 1.9). My sins still have consequences. My sins still create complications. My sins still cause my heart to wander at times. But the penalty for those sins? Paid.

Paul says it this way in 2 Cor 5.19: "God reconciled [us] to himself in Christ, not counting [our] sins against [us]." My sins don't count against me? I don't get that. I don't grasp the magnitude and depth of grace. I can't comprehend how my sinful thoughts and actions are not counted against me. But then again grace is incomprehensible. The gospel is illogical. It makes no sense to my way of thinking and living which demands consequences and requires debts to be paid and which doesn't trust the people who hurt me or "sin against" me. It does not make sense to me in a world where our sins do count against us.

The gospel continues to work on me because the more I understand these concepts the more unworthy I feel to have received this grace.

Here's a thought that blows my mind: the deeper my sin - the more prominent grace is displayed. The more my sin increases - the more grace increases. I don't get that. But I do understand why Paul is compelled in Romans 6, after attempting to define the magnitude of grace, to explain that continuing to sin is not the ticket to experiencing deeper grace. And I think it has something to do with my opening thoughts - the longer I am on the journey, the more I realize my own depravity and my need for the gospel. My response to grace is not "wow I can do whatever I want because my sin price has been paid." The longer I follow Jesus and the more I understand grace, my response is one of worship and humility and a feeling of unworthiness that leads to wanting to follow Christ more closely.

Someone once told me after I had made some terrible mistakes in life - God called you knowing how often you would fail him. Those words kept me on the journey. And to be honest with you, that is a grace I can't fully understand.